[ she looks down at her bloodied claws, the way they have forced their way out from under her fingernails and left the human pieces of herself peeling off like snakeskin.
already. again.
she brings her palm up to her forehead, rubs sweat and her messy hair aside. tries to wrangle her breathing. ]
Not going back.
[ not to the wilds. not to the void. not to the castle. not to death. ]
she wants to be able to blame the attraction to him, the pull, the desire, on coming back wrong. on some imbalance, some piece of her that is not her, but the way he says that --
'nothing that wasn't there before.'
-- she knows she can't. she knows he's right. it had been there, before. she had thought about him all the way out to the void. had dreamt about his nakedness even before she'd felt it.
admitting it would mean betraying her people's memory, though. it would mean putting her life above their deaths, the catastrophic loss that she and aristaeus had orchestrated together.
her hands flex into fists at her sides. she digests what she's heard. tries to put this conflict out of her mind. in the wilds, she'd always been busy enough surviving that these thoughts had seldom caught up with her, but now ... now... ]
Next time ... fight back. You're supposed to fight back.
[ that's what she settles on saying before she turns to head back towards the kitchens to try and force more of the dried winter stores down her throat. ]
( it's hard to tell if he's skeptical or hopeful. the truth is, he wasn't ever going to turn her away. he doesn't think he could, even if he wanted to.
not that it makes it any easier. being weak, vulnerable — it's not natural to him, no matter how much he might want it. )
[ that's ... confusing. she really doesn't know what to do with felipe. she leans up against the doorframe, then, quiet for the moment. maybe he will come back. maybe.
more likely he'll continue to claim she hates him and run away before she gets the chance to even articulate or figure out if that's true. ]
Do what you want.
[ she's not even touching the point about being a bad influence. she goes into the kitchen, after all. she isn't going to beg for people to be near her. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
( flatly. but then, that's why she'd come to him, isn't it?
to use him. )
Next time you decide to court death, I suggest finding a better back up.
(cw: fingernail gore)
already. again.
she brings her palm up to her forehead, rubs sweat and her messy hair aside. tries to wrangle her breathing. ]
Not going back.
[ not to the wilds. not to the void. not to the castle. not to death. ]
You didn't tell me. What you saw.
no subject
( just like he'd expected. he wonders if she'll believe him, or if she'll seek out a second opinion. )
The worst of the fog will clear in a day or so. Once you've replenished your reserves. Eating will help.
no subject
she wants to be able to blame the attraction to him, the pull, the desire, on coming back wrong. on some imbalance, some piece of her that is not her, but the way he says that --
'nothing that wasn't there before.'
-- she knows she can't. she knows he's right. it had been there, before. she had thought about him all the way out to the void. had dreamt about his nakedness even before she'd felt it.
admitting it would mean betraying her people's memory, though. it would mean putting her life above their deaths, the catastrophic loss that she and aristaeus had orchestrated together.
her hands flex into fists at her sides. she digests what she's heard. tries to put this conflict out of her mind. in the wilds, she'd always been busy enough surviving that these thoughts had seldom caught up with her, but now ... now... ]
Next time ... fight back. You're supposed to fight back.
[ that's what she settles on saying before she turns to head back towards the kitchens to try and force more of the dried winter stores down her throat. ]
no subject
( it's hard to tell if he's skeptical or hopeful. the truth is, he wasn't ever going to turn her away. he doesn't think he could, even if he wanted to.
not that it makes it any easier. being weak, vulnerable — it's not natural to him, no matter how much he might want it. )
Get some sleep, Mavis. I'll get my things later.
no subject
Why now?
no subject
( has been fantasizing about it actively, in fact. it wouldn't help, of course, but a little distance probably wouldn't hurt. )
You know how to find me.
no subject
[ a long pause here. she shakes her head. ]
No one is staying there with me.
no subject
( he lets that dangle there. )
He thinks I'm a bad influence on you.
no subject
more likely he'll continue to claim she hates him and run away before she gets the chance to even articulate or figure out if that's true. ]
Do what you want.
[ she's not even touching the point about being a bad influence. she goes into the kitchen, after all. she isn't going to beg for people to be near her. ]